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So, Trump's back, and suddenly everything's gonna be affordable again? Give me a freakin'... So, Trump's back, and suddenly everything's gonna be affordable again? Give me a freakin' break. I saw Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins flapping her gums on CNBC, promising "real relief" is just around the corner. Real relief for who, exactly? The billionaire farmers who bankroll the GOP?
She's blaming Biden for inflation in farm inputs. Okay, fair enough, the last four years were a mess. But let's not act like Trump's tariff wars didn't kick this whole thing off. Now she's out there touting new trade deals with Indonesia and… England? Seriously? Like that's gonna solve the fact that corn farmers are staring down a $15 billion hole.
The "American Dream" Rebranded as a Bad Joke
Rollins says this administration is "incredibly focused on getting the American dream back into every American’s home." Right. Because nothing screams "American Dream" like needing a government handout to stay afloat.
And this "aid package" she keeps dangling? Supposedly, it’s gonna cost $12 billion. Twelve billion taxpayer dollars to fix a problem partly created by… tariffs. It's like setting your house on fire and then bragging about how you're gonna sell bottled water to the firefighters.
She claims China's buying our soybeans again. "They've already put in a purchase order. We've already started shipping soybeans their way." Great, except the USDA's own reports haven't caught up yet because of the government shutdown. So, are they buying or not? Are we just supposed to take her word for it? I mean, what's her motivation here? I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but something ain't adding up. Offcourse, I could be wrong...
The Tariff Two-Step
Rollins defends Trump's tariffs, saying they're "economic tools" and "important foreign policy tools." Okay, let's translate that from Republican-speak: "We're gonna screw over everyone else until they give us what we want." And when that blows up in our faces, we'll just throw money at the problem and call it "real relief." I've heard she's been by Trump's side for a long time. I wonder if she ever gets tired of it.
She even had the gall to say that under Trump, we went from an agriculture trade surplus to a $50 billion deficit. And now she's acting like they're the heroes for "solving for that." You know, I had this old car once that kept breaking down. I spent more time fixing it than driving it. Eventually, I just sold it for scrap. Maybe that’s what we should do with this whole freakin' system...
The Waiting Game (Again)
Rollins says the aid package announcement is coming "probably in the next week or two." We've been hearing that for weeks, haven't we? It's like waiting for Godot, except instead of existential dread, we get to watch farmers go bankrupt. Rollins Says Farmer Aid Package Imminent and Chinese Soybean Purchases are Underway
But hey, at least "Americans will see real relief very, very soon." Can't wait. Maybe I'll use that relief to buy a slightly less-rotten tomato at the grocery store.